


The Doctor (Moon)

by jellybeansarecool



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Because Moffat loves a happy ending we all get a happy ending, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Haunting, Like hell the Doctor is going to leave River alone in the Library for all eternity, The Library, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, because i can't help myself, but also angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24582979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeansarecool/pseuds/jellybeansarecool
Summary: “Doctor Moon? What are you doing here?”He stepped in time with her and the wind died down. That was another benefit of the Library when the atmosphere no longer suited your needs, you could change it. “I wanted to make sure you’re ok. We haven’t seen you in a while.”River waved his worries away, “I’m fine,” she said as she pulled back her shoulders and tried to give him a smile. He wasn’t fooled, and a second later, her smile fell flat. “We finally said goodbye,” she explained.“What if you’re wrong? What if I was wrong?” He asked.River looked at him, confusion contorting her face, “I don’t understand,” she sniffed.“What if that wasn’t your last goodbye? What if you never have to say goodbye again?”
Relationships: Dr. Moon (Doctor Who)/River Song, The Doctor/River Song
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	The Doctor (Moon)

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't planning on writing anything this week but this fic refused to wait!

The Doctor stood beside Charlotte in an open green field. The little girl reached up and grabbed his hand with a smile. They waited in anticipation for River to appear. Charlotte had become like a daughter to him over the long years that lay behind them as they waited for this fateful day. At first, she had been wary of him as he helped the engineers design and build the computer core of the planet in which they resided. He was always gentle with her, but she could sense that there was something more going on with the construction of the Library. Even on her death bed, she was a smart and astute little girl. 

It had taken him years to properly gain her trust. When the Library had first opened, and people began to come, she was so excited that she could share her love of books with all of them. It was during this time that she had come to trust him. She affectionately called him ‘Doctor Moon’ as his consciousness was officially tied up to the anti-viral software that lay at the heart of the planet’s moon.

When the Vashta Nerada had come, and Charlotte had swept up all the inhabitants of the Library into her dreams, she forgot who he was. It had broken his hearts to see her calling a computer-generated man her father and living the life of a regular child rather than adventuring through books and listening to his stories. He knew that he had to protect her, to not let her become overwhelmed by all the people chattering inside her head. Playing the role of ‘doctor’ rather than being ‘The Doctor’ would have killed him had he not already been dead. 

Seeing Donna again was one small mercy and prepared him for the end of the long sojourn he had embarked on as he waited to see River again. As he stood waiting beside the little girl who once again remembered who he was, his hearts pounded in his chest in anticipation. She smiled, excited to meet the woman who had served as the main character in many of his stories. 

River appeared in a flash of light. His hearts leapt up into his throat, and he found himself unable to say a word. As his wife looked at the white dress she was clothed in, he and Charlotte walked forward. He could tell that she was in awe of finding herself alive rather than having been thrust into the cold dark jaws of death.

Charlotte reassured River, “It’s ok. You’re safe, you’ll always be safe here.”

River looked down at the child in wonder.

“The Doctor fixed the data core,” the girl continued, “This is a good place now. But I was worried that you might be lonely.” Charlotte smiled, and the Doctor felt pride and love swell within him for her. “So, I brought you some friends. Aren’t I a clever girl?”

River looked at her, trying to figure out what she might mean when she heard a voice behind her. 

“Aren’t we all?” 

River turned around and saw the members of her crew walk toward her. 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” she whispered, almost as if to herself. “He just can’t do it, can he? That man, that impossible man.”

The Doctor’s hearts swelled at the tenderness and love that caressed the edges of her voice. He felt as if the smile on his face would be stuck there permanently. 

River started to move forwards towards the group. “He just can’t give in,” she said before she swept them up into a hug. 

The Doctor looked down at Charlotte, and they shared a secret smile. There was more to the Library than River yet realised. 

-

The Doctor’s knee bounced up and down rapidly as he waited for River to come downstairs. It had been lifetimes since he had felt nerves manifest themselves in such a way. He wasn’t sure how to control them, but since River was still upstairs with the children, he let his knee bounce up and down as his mind wandered. Charlotte had already latched onto River and wanted her to read a bedtime story. It was a request that River was happy to oblige. 

As the minutes ticked by, the ancient Time Lord debated with himself as to whether or not he should tell her who he was. He partly feared that she wouldn’t want him any longer. He was so much older than when they had lived together; he had lived so many more lives since then. Perhaps he had changed too much? Would she still love him as he loved her? 

When he was ready to flee her house and pretend that he was nothing more than a piece of advanced software designed to protect CAL, River walked down the stairs. A soft smile curved her lips as she padded onto the landing in her bare feet. He froze when she spotted him.

“Oh, Doctor Moon. What are you still doing here?”

He looked at her blankly, his brain unable to process words in her presence. This was a stupid idea, he thought, but before he could stop himself, he realised that he was speaking, “I wanted to make sure that you were settling in and have everything you need.”

She smiled at him and gestured toward the couch. “Yes,” she said as they sat, “Charlotte is very good to me.”

The Doctor nodded, he adjusted his glasses and peered at her, “You look happy,” he observed, “Did the children go down well?”

River gave a breathy laugh, “They were perfect angels. I guess that’s a positive; in a virtual world, you can programme out the temper tantrums.”

“Well, Charlotte is a real little girl, I’m sure you’ll have some of those.”

River smiled, “I’m sure.” 

She was silent for a moment before she spoke again, “I’d forgotten how nice it was to read a bedtime story.” She looked at him and explained, “My son was quite fond of an adventure tale filled with pirates, centurions, and sword-wielding heroines.” 

The Doctor nodded, he remembered those nights when his little boy was young and would sit wrapped up in his blankets listening as his father wove stories in the air while sleep pulled him into the world of dreams. He looked down at the space between them. He wanted nothing more than to close it and scoop his wife into his arms, but she didn’t know that he was him and fear held his tongue. 

He watched as she ran her hands reverently across the cover of her battered blue diary. His hearts sank, knowing how heartbroken she would be when she realised that he would never come and visit her. He resolved to tell her now, to try and soothe the pain. He should have realised, however, that telling her who he was would have been far more effective. 

He glanced back at the diary and spoke softly, “He won’t come.”

River looked up, confusion pulling her eyebrows together, “What?”

“He won’t come. He’s not going to visit you.”

“No. That’s not true. You can’t know that.”

The Doctor sighed, he reached out and took her hand gently in his own. “Listen, I know all this seems real,” he waved a hand around in the air beside them, “but it’s just an image. You’re dead, River. All those people you saved, for them, this was a holding place, between life and death. You brought them back into life, but to do so, you had to give your life up. For you, this is an afterlife of sorts. One where you can explore every book and relive every historical event, but it’s not real. It’s all ones and zeros, created by the computer. We have some control, yes, and you can make choices here, but it is your grave.

“It is no different for the others,” he continued, “except they are even more of an image, a reflection. You’ve been grafted with the computer. They were just caught up in the wifi and have had their data ghosts actualised and held for as long as they are needed. But you, my dear,” he smiled softly at her, trying to make her understand, “are as much part of the computer as Charlotte or I.

“The Doctor,” he cleared his throat and tried to continue, “saw your death. This place isn’t just your grave for him. It’s not just the end of the story, it’s also the cause of your death. Even if the Vashta Nerada don’t swarm the place and make it uninhabitable for any life do you really think he’d come to the place where it all ended? Do you think he could look at the cause of your death without causing his own?” 

He sighed and ran his thumb over her knuckles, “It isn’t just your final resting place, it’s also the place of one of his most painful failures, it’s the end of his life with you.” 

River pulled her hand out his as tears welled in her eyes. “No,” she breathed, not daring to imagine that he could be telling the truth. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Please, no.”

“We’re all stories in the end, River. And yours has ended here.”

River looked at him through a sheen of tears, “How? How could you possibly know this?”

The Doctor didn’t answer, realising that he had hurt her. He was always doing that. Perhaps it was too late. Ashamed, he watched as she struggled with what he had said.

After a moment, she stood up. “Thank you, Doctor Moon. I think you can go.” She pointed at the door as she held the tears back.

He nodded sadly and fiddled with his glasses. “I am very sorry,” he said softly.

River shook her head, “Now, Doctor Moon.” 

She took a shuddering breath, “Please,” she whispered. 

-

Time moved strangely in the Library, over what felt like centuries, but what could have been a few fleeting moments in time, the Doctor watched River haunt his younger self. While he couldn’t see where and what she was doing, he remembered his time as Bowtie and how hard it had been to see the after-image of his wife standing beside him and making remarks about his adventures. Often her words had been sad and kind. Other times she’d been angry and harsh, her words cutting through his flesh like a hot knife through butter.

During the day River would interact with the others, playing pretend that everything was fine, but he could see the pain eating away at her. He watched as the belief in his love, something he had worked so hard at growing during their time on Darillium, fade away until she was convinced that everything he’d done and said had all been in an effort to close the loop and complete his obligation toward her. 

Charlotte could tell that something was wrong, but she didn’t know how to help. There many evenings where they would stand beside River’s bed as she ‘slept’, watching as her form would flicker in and out as she existed in both worlds. They would leave her to her haunting, and he would find himself comforting the child. Wrapping his arms around her and trying to get her to understand that River just needed time, that she would be ok. He knew that Trenzalore would come and that she would be released from the need to haunt his days.

The Doctor didn’t tell Charlotte, but he was worried what River would do when that time came. Would he be able to make it up to her? Would she want to know who he was? He resolved that whatever happened, he would tell her. Whatever her response to the revelation, he swore that he would respect it. There was nothing more that he desired apart from her happiness. 

When she disappeared for days and didn’t return to her meditative state, he knew that it had come to pass. River had once again sacrificed part of herself to save him, to draw him out of the dark depths that threatened to consume him. It was time, time to reveal his true nature. The thought scared him. Had he left it too long? He knew that the timelines had to be maintained, but at what cost? Had he paid the ultimate price and kept time from unravelling but at the loss of his wife?

The Doctor followed River’s unique electronic signature to a windswept beach. Most of the time, he tried not to keep tabs on her location but rather give her the freedom she deserved. However, there were times when his anti-viral coding came in handy. This was one of those times. He could see her in the distance. She looked angelic as her dress and hair were swept away from her as she made her way slowly down the shoreline. When he got closer, he could tell that she had been crying, his hearts clenched. 

“River!” He called out over the wind. He didn’t want to frighten her away to another far-flung part of the Library by appearing beside her with no warning. 

She turned to look at him, “Doctor Moon? What are you doing here?” 

He stepped in time with her and the wind died down. That was another benefit of the Library when the atmosphere no longer suited your needs, you could change it. “I wanted to make sure you’re ok. We haven’t seen you in a while.”

River waved his worries away, “I’m fine,” she said as she pulled back her shoulders and tried to give him a smile. He wasn’t fooled, and a second later, her smile fell flat. “We finally said goodbye,” she explained. 

He looked at her, the sorrow of her loss reflected in his own eyes. He reached out a hand, but she moved away from him before he could place it on her shoulder. 

She wrapped her arms around herself and looked out over the breaking waves. 

“What are you going to do now?” The Doctor asked softly. 

River sighed and bowed her head, “I don’t know,” she looked back up at him. “What can I do, Doctor Moon? I’ll never be able to see him again. He might not care for me as I care for him, but that doesn’t change that I love him. My husband, my madman in a box. How can I go on knowing that there’s no more? No more adventures, no more kisses, no more time. It’s worse than death.” She shook her head and tucked her chin into her chest to hide her tears. 

The Doctor wanted to pull her into his arms, but he restrained himself. He reached out a tentative hand and placed his fingers under her chin. Slowly, softly, he tilted her head so that she was looking up at him. “What if you’re wrong? What if I was wrong?” He asked.

River looked at him, confusion contorting her face, “I don’t understand,” she sniffed. 

“What if that wasn’t your last goodbye? What if you never have to say goodbye again?”

She pulled away from him again and laughed. It was wet and more like a sob than a laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous, Doctor Moon. Our story has ended. There are no more chapters, no post-script, no appendices. He expects me to fade away, but I can’t, I’ve tried. I’m not just a data ghost. I’ve looked at the coding. 

“But you knew,” she looked at him with shimmering eyes, “That first day, you knew. You knew that I’d been merged with the computer, with the mainframe like you and Charlotte. The others, they’ve been gone for a while now, but you and I, we’re here to the end.” 

River took a shuddering breath and looked past him to the swelling white cliffs that lined the shore. “I studied it, you know. I thought that if I deleted myself, then that would be it. I could properly die, but I can’t, can I?” She focused on him again, “If I did, then I wouldn’t just be deleting myself but you and Charlotte as well.” River shook her head, “I can’t do that.”

“What if you could?” The Doctor asked, his hearts lodged in his throat. He didn’t want to lose her, but if she would be unhappy in the Library, he was sure he could find a way to disentangle their coding. He’d created it that way so that when the time came, when the Library had finally met its time, then they could go on together, as he always imagined that they would.

“I don’t know,” she hugged herself tighter before repeating softly, “I don’t know…”

He couldn’t stand it any longer and reached out his arms towards his wife. This time she didn’t resist and curled into his chest willingly. He cradled her there for a while, comforting her in her pain. Much too soon for his liking, however, she pulled away. 

River brought her hands up to her face and wiped away her tears, “Sorry. Sorry. It doesn’t matter. I’m fine now.”

The Doctor frowned and adjusted his glasses, “No, River, you’re wrong. It does matter. It has always mattered.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, bracing himself for his next words, “I’ve probably waited too long, and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It’s the last thing I want to do.” 

“River,” he looked at her, love shining through his eyes, “please believe me when I say this. I love you. I have always loved you, and I always will. You were never an obligation. Never something that I _had_ to do. I adored you and mourned you. I spent more time trying to find a way around the inevitability of your death than I have ever given to anything, ever.” 

He reached out for her, but she took a step back. 

She shook her head, “No. Who? What?” 

“Please, River. Please believe me.”

“No. Stop it. Stop it!” River brought up her hands to cover her ears, and she shut her eyes as she shook her head vehemently. “Stop. Just stop.”

The Doctor took her hands in his and pulled them away from her face firmly but kindly. He looked into her eyes, “River, love, it’s me. I’m the Doctor.”

River gasped. 

He smiled and whispered, “Hello, Sweetie.”

River’s hand flung up over her mouth, muffling a sob. She leant closer to him and looked into his ageless eyes, “Doctor?” She breathed. 

The Doctor nodded. His smile reached his eyes as she flung herself into his arms.

Minutes passed before River pulled back to get another look at him, “Don’t ever do that to me again!”

“Never again,” he promised before catching her up in a kiss. It was messy and wet from both their tears, but they didn’t care. To be wrapped up in the arms of the one they loved, they’d endure a thousand sloppy kisses, a thousand tearful goodbyes, and a hundred giddy hellos.

River was the first to move, she curled into his side as she asked, “How? How is this possible?”

“When I couldn’t find a way to bring you back without destroying all of reality, I began looking at how I could join you. It took some time, a lot of time, really, to work out what I needed to do. Long story short, dear,” he tucked a curl behind her ear, “I went back in time and helped create the Library in the first place. As I did so, I crafted the ‘Doctor Moon,’ as it affectionately came to be called by Charlotte, to be able to take a consciousness.”

“It was a similar process to what we devised for Charlotte and the core of the planet. The difficult part was working out how to get your consciousness embedded into the system in the same way ours are so that you didn’t just fade away. I didn’t know that Charlotte was going to upload your friends’ data-ghosts, or I would have tried to make a way to stabilise them so that they didn’t have to fade so quickly. Once I figured out that, the rest was easy; upload myself and wait for you.”

“Sentimental idiot.”

“Your sentimental idiot.” He dropped a kiss to her forehead. “I’m over four billion years old now, do you really think I wouldn’t wait a few extra hundred years for you? You’ve waited for me long enough, it was my turn to wait for you.”

River fondly shook her head, “I hate you.”

The Doctor laughed, he hadn’t realised how much he missed hearing her say that. “No, you don’t,” he replied, the words holding the promise of his love for her.

They started to walk together along the beach arm in arm. The silence between them was companionable. River leaned into his side, wondering how on earth she’d come to be so blessed. A thought passed through her mind, and she stopped abruptly.

“Wait,” she said, “I get that you helped to create the Library. It’s beautiful, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

“But how did you manage to integrate yourself into the programme? You’d need to be alive for that. Did you split yourself in two? Are you ok?” Concern for him laced her voice.

The Doctor soothed her and then explained, “No, I waited until the end. My death, that is. Even my species has to go sometime.”

“No,” she shook her head, “That doesn’t make sense.”

“What? Me being able to die? I can assure you; it did happen.”

“No, no. I get that. What I don’t understand is if you waited until you died, how did you get here?”

The Doctor looked down at her and smiled, it held the knowledge of the universe. “Let’s just say you have a very clever son.”

River laughed and then drew him into another kiss. Their minds were as entangled as their mouths when Charlotte came running up to greet them. 

“Doctor!” She cried, “Does River know? Did you tell her?”

“Yes,” the Doctor looked at River, unable to contain his smile, “Yes, she knows.”

Charlotte squealed in delight.

The Doctor picked her up under her arms and spun her around in a circle before pulling her into a hug. Though she was a little old for it, she happily sat on his hip and circled her arms around his neck. She questioned him again, “Does this mean that we can be a family? A proper family?”

The Doctor looked again at River, curious to know what she would say. She looked back at them, her husband, with a whole new body for her to explore, and the excited little girl in his arms. She nodded, “Yes, I think that would be nice.”

Charlotte hugged the Doctor tight in her glee. River smiled joined them in their hug, they stood like that for a while, enjoying the beginnings of their little family. River kissed them both before moving back to let the Doctor lower Charlotte to the ground. The girl happily stood between them and took their hands in each of hers. Together they walked across the golden sand. 

“Charlotte?” The Doctor asked.

“Yes?” She looked up at him.

“Why did you come and find us? Did you know I was going to tell River who I was?”

Charlotte frowned, but it quickly changed to a smile as she remembered why she’d been looking for them, “I was looking for River.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, she got an email! No one’s ever sent us an email before. Isn’t that cool?”

River laughed and squeezed her daughter’s hand, “Very cool.”

“Oh. Oh!” The Doctor realised what, or rather who, the email was from.

“What is it, my love?” His wife asked.

“Me!”

“You?”

“I sent you that email. Well, a past me did.” He sheepishly rubbed his bald head, “I’d almost forgotten. Once I figured out how to email you, I never really stopped. Some faces are a little more prolific, sorry about that, but they all did it. It’s actually one of the things that inspired me to try and find a way to get myself in rather than you out. I wanted to see if I could share in this little bit of heaven with you.”

“Well,” River hummed, “I’d better make sure I email you back.”

The Doctor chuckled, “You’d better.”

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe and be good to each other.   
> JBeans


End file.
